It would be pretty cool to run across America. I’ll see if I can run 60 miles to Peterborough next March and we can base it on that.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything in here - mainly because of the World Cup, trying to get the 100% achievement on Red Dead Redemption and also the fact that we’re rehearsing like sweatshop workers because we’re starting to record our new album next week. I have a sense that all 6 of my Tumblr followers have been wondering what’s been going on in my life; so I thought I’d update you and use some pictures where possible.

First of all - I know you’re all waiting with baited breath to hear about my list of things that I’ve previously promised you and don’t worry - they will reach you one day.

Where do we I start. Well - there have been a couple of good news stories recently. I was excited quite a lot by the tale of Raoul Moat. Around the time that this was happening, Lloyd had a barbeque to celebrate his birthday (Lloyd’s, not Raoul Moat’s), so we thought it would be a good idea to take some stock pictures, just in case any of us decided to snap and do bad stuff and go on the run. Here’s what mine looked like:

It’s really bad, but I always get caught up in stories in the news about when people go on rampages and stuff. Derrick Bird was also pretty gripping, even though the guy did really bad things. Maybe Gazza was right all along and both Moaty and Birdy had just taken the wrong drugs that day.

Here’s an interesting fact for you; Derrick Bird shot everyone on Joe’s birthday and then Raoul Moat met his grizzly demise on Lloyd’s birthday. My birthday is next, November 3rd to be exact, so I would suggest keeping indoors just in case something goes off.

Tom got a kidney stone. That was pretty badass. At the time everyone was like, “poor thing, he must be so ill”, and we were all kidded into thinking he needed sympathy. Below is what he looked like in hospital. However, he must’ve pissed it out and recovered pretty much fully now, cos as I write this he’s sat at the Xbox moaning about an opposing team on Battlefield that are too good for him. Mum, if you’re reading this, he’s using words that are so bad that it’s making my eyes water and also making me want to throw up. He also keeps saying he’s going to get people’s ‘pins’. He means dog tag. Obviously.

Tomorrow it’s my girlfriend’s birthday. Her name is Alice and there is a photo of her just below. It was taken when we went to the local farm zoo in Nottingham and she fell in love with this guinea pig. She often talks about guinea pigs in her sleep and was also convinced one time (in her sleep) that I had bought her a penguin for her birthday. I do have a sound recording of it, but I won’t post it up. She’s already going to have words with me when she sees I put this up. Anyway, I will be going to London after work tomorrow to shower her with gifts and I am very much looking forward to it!

After visiting Alice, I’m going to Sonisphere for the weekend on some VIP tickets we have been given due to the fact we’re in an awesome band. Last year we went and had loads of fun. We even met Limp Bizkit. Nuff said. Then on Monday we start our recording. The new songs sound amazing so we’re all really excited to get them tracked. We’re documenting the whole process too, so if you’re bored you can go and see a teaser trailer that we made over at www.swound.co.uk

And finally; next weekend we’re off to the Isle of Man to play at a festival. It’s going to be awesome! As I’ve said before, it’s where all of Swound! grew up, so it’s ace to be going back to visit all of our old mates. For those of you who don’t know where the Isle of Man is, it’s between England and Ireland and it’s where cats with no tails come from. If I can work out how to format posts properly by the time I get back, I’ll put some pictures up then. It’s a strange place and we’re taking a crew with us, so I’m sure there’ll be lots to write home about. When I say home, I mean here.

Fucking hell. I’m a boring prick.

Here are some things I might write about in the future.

• My experience at game show auditions.
• Bad things people have done in my company.
• My time working at Nottingham City Council.
• Football fans.
• Sick people I like that everyone else seems to hate.
• The biggest pricks that I have met.
• My favourite sauces.

Bet you can’t wait to read these.

Basically; team Rock Swound! didn’t win the Big Scary Monsters 5 aside tournament. The standard of play was far better than I had previously expected, but we didn’t embarrass ourselves!

We reached the quarter finals and got knocked out by the eventual winners, a team from label ‘Fear and Records’, who then went on to win the title for the 2nd year running.

Our team consisted of my 3 brothers and I, our good friend Andy Kelham from Rock Sound, Ben Patashnik from Rock Sound, Slomo, the Rock Sound tea boy and former Drum And Bugle Corps champion, and his buddy Dan, a former Grays Athletic player.  This is what we looked like:

At the end of the day, we should have probably gone with Slomo’s tactic, “No matter how hard you look, a kick in the nuts is still a kick in the nuts.”

Not many people that may stumble across this composition will know me, and will therefore not know that I am a big fan of football. Unfortunately, this might give you an image of me sporting a large football shirt (complete with egg n chipz stains down the front), a faded three lions tattoo and my vocabulary consisting mainly of quotes from Soccer AM. You’ll be pleased to know that this isn’t the case. In my other hours, I play guitar in a rock band, watch episodes of Lost and wish that I had a Dharma tattoo.

I’m in my 20s now and have had my share of incidents on the football pitch. At the age of 12, I managed to cause a match to be abandoned against local rough boys, Pulrose. I missed a penalty and the keeper decided to try and fuck with my mind. I punched him in the face. Both teams piled in and then the fans. My brother, Tom, was on crutches at the time and ended up getting nutted by a 40 year old fat man. It was funny, but I did get really bollocked by my Dad on the journey home.

At the age of 14, I scored a last minute penalty in the final to win the Isle of Man junior FA Cup for Ramsey AFC. I do regret attempting to do the Klinsmann dive for my celebration. The ground was hard and I ended up with grass burns on my stomach. On reflection, I wish I had done something far more class, like a back flip. Or “The Worm”, like Scotty 2 Hotty. As captain, it was my duty to lift the trophy and I’m still very proud of that day.

When I went to university, I discovered drinking. Basically I did no exercise and got fat. I decided to shave my head and was subsequently known as the Fat Bald Twat. It was bad. In a gradual bid to straighten out my previously active life, that summer I decided to enter a half marathon and have been running ever since.

My glitter lined footballing career resumed last year after a 4 year absence, when I started playing football for a local Sunday League team, Boots Wednesday FC. Here is what we look like:

Despite missing half of my first season with Boots due to a broken ankle, kindly donated to me by an opposition player, I have had a relatively successful 2 seasons. This blog is already boring enough, so I won’t go into my stats. However, I will tell you that this season I was generously awarded the player of the season trophy.

The whole point of this post is because tomorrow morning, my brothers and I are traveling to the Big Smoke to play in the annual Big Scary Monsters 5 aside tournament and I’m actually very excited for it. This year it’s called the BSM World Cup! AWESOME! Rock Sound Magazine have kindly asked us to represent them. We have all played for the Isle of Man national team at some points in our life, I even captained the team during my stint! This might not seem like much to you; but all Manx people seem to talk about and do, is football, so the standard is pretty high.

Interestingly, they do put “though” on the end of every sentence too. Here is a quote from a Manx friend that I saw on Facebook earlier: “…is having a pint at The British though”.

I’d like to think that we’ll do well in the tournament because we really aren’t shit at football and that tomorrow I will come on here and tell you all that we managed beat the likes of Rolo Tomassi and Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fly; but something gives me the feeling that it’s going to be quite a different story.

Unbelievable tekkers.

I’ve just eaten my dinner. It consisted of 2 pork and apple sausages, Moroccan style cous cous and steamed vegetables (with Reggae Reggae Sauce).

I left the sausages. Here’s why…

I’ve been into music for long enough now that I’ve seen a lot of gigs. Some have been good, some bad and some that might just fall into the ‘entertaining’ bracket.

There is not a lot worse than a band throwing up onstage.

Back in 2006, the band I play in, Swound!, traveled to the Isle of Man to play some gigs at the TT festival. This might not be the biggest of gigs for a band to play at, but they are always a lot of fun; especially as we all grew up there and have a lot of friends that come to watch us.

Tom, myself and, our then drummer, Will had a troubled journey over to the island which saw our van get broken into, then breakdown and then after an overnight stop in a cold Bury car park we had a patchwork repair courtesy of the guitarist from Spear of Destiny before continuing to Heysham to catch the ferry. Inevitably this saw us arrive 18 hours late to our parents’ home in the north of the Isle of Man. To celebrate our eventual arrival, our Mum cooked us a BBQ before we took the 45 minute journey to our first venue. In my head; this made everything right again and nothing could now go wrong.

Incorrect.

I spent the whole night leading up to the gig in the toilet, pissing out my ass. To top this off, I was projectile vomiting. We played the show and I had to have an empty ice bucket (kindly given to me by the bar staff) onstage to throw up into between and during songs. After the show, I was outside the venue throwing up into the gutter. Needless to say, I didn’t appreciate the police stopping to ask how much I’d had to drink. This carried on well and truly into the following day.

The next day I missed our gig in the world-famous Bushy’s Beer Tent, before traveling back to Nottingham the following day at a speed 50mph in an attempt to stop the turbo hose from exploding again.

What should have been a fun-filled party weekend was ruined by a 60% cooked sausage from the BBQ.

This is why I left my sausages at dinnertime.